I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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