And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
