He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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