i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
