I wannas sexs uuuuu
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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