he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
