So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
