i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
