I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
