Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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