We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
