We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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