He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
