if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
