shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize