Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
