I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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