singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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