doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
