Sorry, I don't speak sober.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
