No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
