I wish my penis had an off switch
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
