Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
