His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
