i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
