Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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