you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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