Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
