I haven't been this sober since birth.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize