make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
