We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
