Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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