If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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