Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
