im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
