hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
