what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
