i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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