I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
