my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
