Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
