we have officially lost it.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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