you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
