btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
