I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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