you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
