3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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