Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
