this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
