Nicole vs. Life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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