Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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