Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize