Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
