I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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