You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
