The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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