dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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