i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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