I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
