It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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