I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
