Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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