i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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