Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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