kristin has been a bad kristin
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
